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I was thinking recently that for people who deal with chronic pain on a daily basis, there comes a time when pain can completely take over your life. When nothing you do, no drug imaginable, can relieve the discomfort. And how do you cope with that? How do you reconcile being in so much pain that nothing else really matters??
It is hard for someone who has never been down this road to imagine what it’s like to be overwhelmed by pain. Feeling like there is nothing that will relieve it, nothing on earth to make it better, even for 5 minutes! And if you were to describe this pain the only way I can think of to adequately do is is with a primal scream!! I read someone’s blog recently where they were talking about pain assessment. And I am aware that it is an integral part of the exam to assess the level of pain using the traditional scale and then descriptors. But sometimes it is hard to quantify pain. Particularly when it comes from multiple sites at once. I have had
days where I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it to the next day or not. The level of discomfort was so great that I wasn’t sure which way was up. But I have a secret weapon. I have a way of dealing with severe pain that is going to shock you. Maybe even appall you!! That weapon is laughter. Find someone who is funny as hell, read something hilarious, allow yourself to laugh at a goofy movie. I guarantee that if you are laughing, I mean really laughing, you will find it hard to obsess about your pain, no matter how bad it is.
So now you are saying that this approach doesn’t work for you. Ok, well, then what’s next? Guided imagery, relaxation techniques, biofeedback. All healthy adversaries in the war on pain. Anyone who has ever ventured into a Multidisciplinary Pain Management program knows that all of these are a part of the curriculum. And on a given day they help, maybe not totally alleviate the pain, but help.
But on those days when you are circling the bowl, when nothing helps. When life feels like it is not worth living, then there is but one other choice. Chemistry! Better living through chemistry, right? Or pharmaceuticals, right?? Even though I am and have been drug free for a while, there are still days when narcotics are the only way to find a place of comfort. There are days when if I had them in the house I would so take just one or two in order to sleep, in order to function. But I don’t want to start! And I don’t want to sound sanctimonious either. Just a statement of how I feel.
I would very much love to hear from you, dear readers, about what you do to cope, day to day, and when things really get out of control. Where do you go, what do you do? Look forward to hearing from you!!!
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Some days I feel like an amoeba. Squirming in a petri dish, waiting for some nerd scientist to slice me open and see what makes me tick. Well, that would be a nice trick given the size of an amoeba, but you get my point! Or maybe a paramecium. I did a science project in middle school on paramecium. Harvested a bunch from a local pond and studied them under a microscope. Interesting creatures, they are. One-celled, but complex. Anyhow, I digressed a bit!
I have been down a path where supposed healers have poked and prodded me in an attempt to “fix” me. And the more they poke, and the more they prod, the worse I feel. The more holes they punch in me, the more cuts they make, the worse things get. And all I can do is squirm and wriggle and say “no more”. And I have. And I do. And I will continue to do this. Because age has taught me something. That is that much of what is wrong with our bodies is our own doing. Nutrition, obesity, lack of exercise, smoking, alcohol, drugs. All wonderful things that help our bodies along to it’s ultimate demise. And no matter how many doctors, hospitals, therapists we see, the cure is right there within us. The cure is often times in our own head. Being able to overcome what drives the behaviors that are slowing doing us in. And human nature is a funny thing. At some point, many of us give in to the fact that we are doing bad things to our bodies. We freely admit it! Hell, I have!!! I know the things that can make my life better, more productive. Exercise, weight loss, lifestyle changes. Simple stuff. But knowing and being able to get over the psychological hurdles is another thing. I was reading about a school in NC, one of several that were designed to help teenagers with morbid obesity. It is an on-site, intensive weight loss program, complete with lifestyle changes. The cost per student, and the school in NC is limited to 50 students, is $6250. That’s per month!! More than it costs to go to school at Harvard!! And the success is phenomenal. But so are the failures. One young man who is now in college, went into the program in 2006 at 485 lbs. He lost 197 lbs while on campus and another 30 when he got home. He then proceeded to balloon his weight to 565 lbs, which is where he is today. And he is facing Lap-Band surgery to try and help his problem. But the surgery, without the necessary dietary changes is a prescription for disaster. And this young man’s father took $40, 000 in loans for him to go to school for 8 months. He has now lost his job and has no idea how he is going to repay the money. And in the article it talks about how this young man’s weight problem was a huge source of conflict between he and his father. Which I am sure went a long way toward making it more difficult for this young man.
But whether it is weight loss or any other lifestyle issue, the important thing is that we never lose sight of the person inside. Never judge harshly until we have walked a mile in their shoes. It’s easy to throw rocks when you are the only one with rocks. But when they are being hurled back at you, it’s not nearly so much fun!
When I am feeling like the writhing amoeba, like another science experiment gone wrong, I only have to realize that what happens to me is my choice. And in the words from the third installment of “Indiana Jones”,
“Choose wisely”. Something that we all should consider.
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I was contemplating yesterday, which by the way was an awful day, when to give in and see the doc. I am one of these people who goes to see my physician as infrequently as possible. I have found that it is healthier that way. If you stay away, they can’t come up with more hokey shit to do to you that will largely not help anyhow!
But last summer I had to. I had to see my orthopod. I was having incredible pain in my low back and legs with significant neurological symptoms in my legs. In fact, my left leg, which is the only one which bends, was so weak that I found it very difficult to negotiate stairs or even step up on more than a short curb. After a couple of MRI’s I was told that I my back from L1-L5 was largely fucked! Herniated disks, stenosis, bone spurs, the whole enchilada!! Along with that was major nerve impingement. A course of conservative treatment went largely without improvement so the answer was surgery. So I went for a second opinion. And the answer was largely the same. So I decided that i was not going to give in to that. Since I was acutely aware that back surgery is a 50-50 proposition at best. And so I went home with a new resolve to make it better, to make me better! I started lifting weights, again, after a fairly long hiatus. I strengthened my core so as to support my back more efficiently. And gradually, over a period of weeks and months, I did improve. I did find that the symptoms abated, not totally, but significantly. Maybe through sheer force of will. Maybe because I realized that there was something more important in my life than pain and more surgery and more down time. That living had become a priority again to me, not just existing. And I managed to sustain for a long time. Months! And then the past few days the symptoms began to creep back in. Pain I can deal with, but the numbness and radiating in my legs and even my feet is tough. Yesterday was excruciating. It took me until mid-afternoon to feel “functional” even though I kept moving all day. It took that long for me to feel at all comfortable, enough to be able to sit and even lie down for a bit. And today it was some better. But not enough.
SOOOOO, I beg the question: When is enough, enough? When is it time to call the doc and say, “Help!!”? I am not sure I am there yet, but almost. We all have our “governor” for how much pain we can tolerate and which symptoms raise a red flag. I know the drill all too well. I know the drill for different body systems, which is even more disturbing. When do you go to the E.R. with a bowel obstruction? When do you do the same when dealing with addiction and withdrawal? And when do you say “enough” when it comes to whatever the issue is?? It is different for each of us. I guess for me, the threat of more surgery is a huge deterrent. I find that the idea of going through more surgery and rehab and the whole thing so distasteful, that I will avoid it at all cost. But even I have my limits. Even I know, when to say when. And so should you. And tomorrow might be that day. But………………………………………………………………….I know I can get through this. I know that once again I can beat the odds and keep my body whole and avoid the knife once again. I have to. I have much too much to live for!
Filed under: Health
For those of us who muddle through with pain, protecting our bodies is a very real issue. Knowing your limitations, knowing when to say when is something that I would wager most of you don’t know how to do all that well. Let me explain.
I have been dealing with chronic pain for a very long time. Choosing my battles is something that I still struggle with. On a day-to-day basis, how do you choose what you will do and what you won’t do. I have touched on this before but not from the same perspective. How do you protect your body from harm and satisfy your head at the same time? How do you do the things you love to do and keep yourself from activities that do more harm than good?
Psychology. Pure and simple. We are rational beings. We make choices on everything we do in a given day, more or less anyhow. And in making those choices, we do most things for our own benefit. We don’t make dangerous, risky decision with regard to our bodies nor our minds. But when chronic pain is an issue, those decisions become more complex. You are now faced with challenges that not only give us a way to get things done in our lives, but to also make sure that our bodies are cared for so as to not increase our level of pain significantly.
Take for example daily living activities. These exist outside of our parameters for work and pleasure. They exist because they are things that we HAVE to do on a daily basis. Not things that we WANT to do necessarily, but because they are a must. So negotiating a deal with ourselves as to whether or not to do them is, well, non-negotiable.
But it is the fun stuff that seems to slip through the cracks when you are in pain. I used to give up many things to accommodate my level of pain. Gave up going to movies, theater, travel, shopping, etc. But then one day I realized that I was a recluse. That pain was controlling my life, not the other way around. And it was at that point that I decided that I would no longer give in the my pain. That I would take charge of it and live the fullest life possible, regardless of how much I hurt! And that was a real revelation. I found that I actually did and could do much more than I had ever thought! That being active at all cost is the way to go, keeping my body in some semblance of good condition. And the more I did the better I felt, up to a point anyhow. My problem was that I was not very good at choosing my battles. I would do EVERYTHING and then live with the fallout! And in more recent times, I have found that I do the things that are really important, then see what’s left over. If I have more energy, more drive, then I look to doing more extracurricular activities.
And I also realized that I could be active, could have fun, and still protect my body, more or less. There is no way to totally anticipate how much pain a given day will bring, but it is possible to give it all a go and feel human. And I figure that my body is going to be where it’s going to be and I will have to deal with it.
So the bottom line is: Enjoy life. Do things you love while you can. Have fun, travel, pursue whatever you are passionate about and tomorrow will take care of itself. And your pain will likely still be there, but you will be in a better place for having lived!!
There is much scientific data on how the body processes pain impulses. I am not here for a discussion of the Anatomy and Physiology of pain. If you deal with chronic pain, you have more than likely had the lecture on how it all works. Gate theory, etc.
What I am referring to is HOW we perceive pain. How we take what the body is telling us and translate that into what we know as pain, based on many factors. These include cultural, familial, personal, psychological, and visceral interpretations of pain. We learn early on that how to deal with pain. Watch a small child skin his knee, take a tumble, and you hear the blood-curdling sound only a child can make. How a parent deals with these early injuries shapes the child’s image of pain and how he deals with it. Most parents coddle a child who has been injured, who wouldn’t? It is about caring and nurturing. Making him feel safe and calming his fears as only a parent can do. But what if we overreact? What if we become hysterical? What kind of image does that send to the child? And next time he is hurt, does our reaction shape how he deals with pain?
In some families, pain as treated as a badge of courage. “Keep a stiff upper lip”. Ever hear that growing up?? Don’t cry, big boys/girls don’t cry! Oh, don’t be such a baby! What kind of message are we sending to our children when we use these terms?? How are we shaping their future ability to deal with and verbalize pain? Much of how we learn to perceive pain comes from watching the behaviors of those around us as we are growing up. I mentioned before that my father was an extreme stoic. Well, funny thing, how do you think I learned to deal with and express my perception of pain? These learned behaviors go way beyond the scope of just pain perception. Think about how we deal with relationships, conflict, stress, most anything in life. And our parents are the first one’s to shape these behaviors.
I have spent much time in hospitals in my life, both as a patient and as a health care provider. Much of this was spent in the E.R. Watching the response of people to various injuries is something that I didn’t really pay much attention to. But slowly, I noticed that the perception of pain was not always proportional to the extent of the injury, so there had to be one or more of the factors mentioned above at work. I would see people with relatively minor injuries coming unglued! Other times, people who should be, were not. And this is taking into account things like shock.
One thing that anyone who has been admitted through or a patient in a hospital E.R. knows is this: The squeaky wheel gets the most grease! If you are in pain and suffer in silence, it will be 5 hours before anyone looks at you. If you are hooting and hollering and letting everyone who is within earshot know about it, bingo, you get attention. Case in point: One night several years ago, after spending a number of hours at home vomiting, doubled-over with abdominal pain, I decided it was time to visit the E.R. It was in the early hours of a new day. I was pretty sure that I had a bowel obstruction. There was a N.Y. blizzard going on outside. From where we lived it was about 13 miles to the hospital. It took well over an hour to get there based on conditions. When we arrived, the place was a zoo. I walked into the intake area and began to fill out paperwork and talk to the triage nurse, explaining why I was there. She explained that it was a very busy night and that it might be a while before anyone could see me. About this time, a wave of nausea came over me, so I grabbed the closest trash can and proceeded to puke my toes up!! Funny thing, they took me right in. And I did, have a bowel obstruction, that is.
I noticed in one of the comments tonight a list of “pat responses” to the proverbial question: “how do you feel?” I have used any an all of those at one time or the other in my history, most many times. But I started thinking about why we choose a particular response on a given day, even though we may feel no better or worse than we did yesterday, or for that matter for the past month! Is it in the perception of pain or in the processing of it that we come up with our response? Or is it purely psychological? Is our response tempered by our ability to cope on any given day? Do we feel “fine” today because we don’t want to admit that we are dying but can’t talk about it at that moment? Or do we say we “feel like crap” because mentally it is healthier at that point in time than denying that we hurt?
I personally think it is a combination of factors. Again, there is no scientific basis for my opinion, at least none that I have researched. It is purely my opinion, based on my own experience. But I do know that chronic pain patients may have relatively stable levels of pain on a day to day basis, but their response varies greatly with what else is happening in their life. Stress plays a big part in pain perception. When you are emotionally or physically stressed, the level of pain perceived is greater. I know this from experience. When you are happy and content, even though physically nothing is different, you just feel better. Think about how you feel during and immediately after sex if you don’t believe me. How many of you can say that you have significant degrees of pain during sex? Not that pain can’t cause issues with sexual performance, it certainly can. But all things being equal, sex is a great equalizer when it come to pain control.
So, many questions, few answers. I would very much like for any and all of you to put in your opinion on what I have written. I know that there are those of you who have pondered this and written about it. Thanks in advance.
Filed under: Health
It seems as though I have touched a nerve with the previous post, therefore I plan to go on a bit:
First of all, thank you “Surfer Jay” for your comments. You brought up a couple of points that I neglected to touch upon. You are so right when you say that being honest is the key to any relationship. And being honest about our physical state is something that we as humans, and I think as Americans, find very hard to do. And I will go out on a limb here and say that it is more of a male issue than otherwise. We are supposed to be the strong ones, the providers, the protectors, the ones who are without fail. Our fathers and their fathers and so on were all of that and more. It was a generational issue that the man was the one who worked whether he was sick or hurt to provide for his family. And he didn’t complain, never admitted that he was less than 100%! There is a term for that, one I don’t hear so much anymore, but if you look in the dictionary and find the word “stoic” you will see a picture of my father.
Merriam Webster offers this:
————————————————————————————–
- Main Entry:
- 1sto·ic
- Pronunciation:
- \ˈstō-ik\
- Function:
- noun
- Etymology:
- Middle English, from Latin stoicus, from Greek stōïkos, literally, of the portico, from Stoa (Poikilē) the Painted Portico, portico at Athens where Zeno taught
- Date:
- 14th century
The other factor that came into play was that although at the time I quit working, my salary was greater than my wife’s, that was about to change in a huge way. Her career was blossoming and growing and in short order her earning capacity surpassed mine exponentially.
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I wrote a rather lengthy passage on this topic the other night but I guess I neglected to save or publish it so here goes again.
I was reminded recently that when you are a chronic pain sufferer, there are basically two ways of approaching your own pain and the pain you observe in those around you. This is my own opinion based on personal observation so if you have other ideas on the subject I would love to hear them.
The first type of person is one who uses their own experience as sort of a barometer when those around them are in pain. Allowing for a level of empathy that likely doesn’t exist in someone who has never experienced chronic pain. This type of person rarely exhibits those pesky pain behaviors that make us crazy when we see them in others. Cringing, crying out, moaning, etc. All things that if you have passed through a multidisciplinary pain management program you know are unacceptable. They only add to your level of frustration and that of the people around you.
The second type of person is the one who lives at the level described above. Who is in pain and everyone in the world knows it. And the behaviors are exacerbated by the more people around. I observed a family member recently who was largely silent except when others were around and who at that point became very vocal, moaning, crying out with every minute movement. I brought it to their attention, maybe a bit indelicately, but it was distracting as shit!! The attention-seeking behavior in this type of person is so counter-productive. It forces the pain sufferer to focus on their plight and everyone around them to do the same.
There is no one way to cope with pain, chronic or otherwise. We each have our own mechanisms for coping, but one thing I have come to realize, and was recently reinforced to me, is that it is not productive to dwell on the negative aspects of our lives. Looking to the brighter side of life is a way of negating some of the ill effects of all that is negative in our lives. The more we talk about and dwell on those negative aspects, the easier it is to become depressed and miserable. Maintain a positive outlook and a sense of humor at all cost. It will carry you through the dark times and sustain you through the better times.
Focusing on the negative is a dangerous thing to do for a chronic pain sufferer. Depression, as everyone who has ever dealt with any of this knows, is a constant companion of anyone who suffers chronic pain. It is largely unavoidable in reality. And for those who dwell on the negative aspects in their lives, depression becomes even more intense. I have walked down that path myself, and antidepressants help to a point, but I believe that much of your attitude can be controlled from within.
Counseling is very important. Having someone who is not part of the inner circle to share these feelings with is very important. But so is having someone who can empathize with them. Family members who have never experienced chronic pain can sometimes not be the best resources. And how to best verbalize how you feel without resorting to the stereotypical pain behaviors is something a counselor or pain management program can provide.
I do think it is important to be honest about how you feel with spouses/life-partners. We often develop a pattern where we use my favorite term, “I’m Fine” in reply to the inevitable question: “how are you?”. And sometimes it is the only answer you can give without going to a place where you don’t want to be right then. But when it becomes a pat answer, one that truly says nothing about how you feel, then your partner begins to not only question your sincerity, but also to resent being left “out of the loop” when it comes to how you are feeling.
It can become a vicious cycle of denial for you and one of deepening resentment for your loved ones. Finding the balance that allows you to be real and at the same time keeps you from dwelling on the negative, and sharing your true physical and emotional state, that’s the real trick!
I guess the bottom line for me has become: Be real, don’t deny your pain. It is what it is. Embrace it, deal with it, and move on. Most of all be real. Don’t try to be superhuman. Trust me, you aren’t!! Neither am I. And there are days when you feel like getting out of bed is the herculean task for the day. So be it! The other point I wish to make is this: Don’t fail to recognize what’s going on in those around you. Being so self-absorbed can result in those closest to us feeling uncared for. They have their own issues, own pain and we have to be open to it. If you live in a world of self-pity, then you may very well miss the chance to be there for someone else.
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I was thinking tonight that the reason I started this blog was two-fold. First, I wanted to share my experiences with chronic pain and with life, with anyone who might benefit from reading this. For someone to see that they are not alone, their experience is not all that unique, and there are those of us who really do care about what happens to them.
Secondly, I wanted to share my journey, my experiences with my family and friends, some of which have been with me every step of the way, but still don’t really know or understand all that has transpired, particularly the things deeply rooted inside me.
But then it occurred to me that maybe this had become something more. Just what I am struggling to identify but have mostly been thinking that as it develops, it is becoming the story of my life, which goes back to my second point, except that I never really intended to get into some of the areas in which I have digressed to. And instead of something that chronicles a certain chapter in my life, this has become more and more all the time a history of my life. Even though it is far from orderly, far from chronological, it is taking on a quality that will hopefully help those closest to me, and particularly my boys, know me and know where I came from and in the end what kind of person I am and also what kind of life I have lived.
I was reminded recently how very important it is to glean as much information from our aging relatives as we can, while we can. My father who will be 86 next month is a great story-teller. And in talking to him I have learned much about where him and the rest of my family have come from, the experiences they shared, what we all have in common and how we are all very different. And I have been reminded that my window of opportunity to chronicle these moments becomes more and more precious with each passing day. He is the last of his generation. No siblings remain. The cousins who do remain don’t really know him or any of us for that matter. We have been sort of a family divided in may ways. Loyalties to one brother or the other came out of an incident that most of us younger generation knew nothing of, only the fallout that subsequently pulled family members one way or the other.
So what does any or all of this have to do with my blog, with chronic pain? Well, like any of the stories that make up a life, a family history, whatever, chronic pain is so tightly woven into the fabric of who I am and where I have been, that it can’t be overlooked. And it is part of my story, one that I need to share. And if only one other person ever reads any of this, I feel like my efforts have not been in vain. And one day, future generations of my family can look back on this, on the stories, on the experience, and maybe understand a bit more about who I was.
I was reminded recently why it is so important to write things down. I was having a discussion with my brother on the origins of the Old Testament. How the oral traditions of the ancients were finally transcribed into what we consider today to be the Old Testament. But that how for a very long time, the stories were passed down by repeating them to future generations. It made me think about how very important it is for us to leave something concrete for our future generations. That no matter how wonderful it is to hear the stories related by an older adult, parent, grandparent, it is just as important or more so to write it down. To make it available for everyone who cares to listen.
So it is my hope that in time, I will be able to clean this up, put it in a better, more orderly fashion, and have something for them to hold onto for many years to come.
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Today was one of those days when I wish I hadn’t gotten out of bed. Having muddled through the past couple of weeks with varying degrees of GI distress, I have been feeling pretty frisky the past few days. Things have settled down to the point where my diet was beginning to approach something more normal. That is until today. For lunch we stopped at a mom-and-pop Greek place and I ate a pita stuffed with Falafel, some yogurt, a bit of tomato and lettuce. By the time I got home I felt as though I had been kicked in the gut by a mule!!! I was nauseated, sweaty, and very uncomfortable. After several hours of feeling sick the sensation began to subside a bit, but not totally. Was it what I ate? Was it a poor choice based on what I have experienced recently? I am not sure. But sometimes, regardless of how I feel, the urge to eat something other than gruel is overwhelming. I have subsisted on Boost, carbs, yogurt, and some soft cereals for nearly 3 weeks, which normally puts things to rest rather nicely. I have avoided the antispasmodics for the most part because they have such a huge drying effect on the oral mucosa! I hate that feeling and would rather be a bit crampy rather than have terminal cottonmouth!!
Here again I look back to the days when I had this sort of cast-iron gut. My favorite food on earth was the Jalapeno Poppers at a place in KC called “Thirsty’s Cantina. OMG they were delicious, and I have never found any better, bar none! They were stuffed with a blend of cheeses, shredded chicken and spices. They were then dredged in flour and deep fried. One night I went with my brother who is the king of spicy foods. We each ordered poppers, 6 to an order. Well, I ate mine, and half of his! Oh did I pay for it the next day!! Can you say “flame-on”? But so delicious!! Today eating one of those would probably kill me!! But I guess as they say, it could always be worse! I could be sucking down TPN as an alternative to food! Not a fun place to be. And dragging around a G-Tube and collection bag was not much fun either! I don’t know if I could go through all of that again. After two rounds of relatively long term G-Tube placement, I don’t really want to go there again. But I guess we do what we have to do, right? No matter how uncomfortable, no matter how protracted, sometimes it is the only choice. Have never been one to dodge a good challenge. But some days, I would rather be a bit less challenged, if you know what I mean.
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One thing I haven’t mentioned here so far is the whole problem with travel. Don’t get me wrong, I love to travel. Love seeing new places, experiencing new cultures, etc. But the issue comes in when I think about the complexities and considerations that face me when traveling. Having chronic pain is one issue. Spending long amounts of time in a car or on an airplane can exacerbate orthopedic issues. Having a fused knee adds another layer to the whole problem. Finding seating that is comfortable in restaurants, on buses, trains, planes, cars. Most of which don’t afford enough leg room based on my height. But also, most seating is wide enough that it hits me mid-thigh. This compromises circulation and in some cases, puts undue pressure on nerve roots. Try this some time. Sit in a booth in a restaurant, extend one leg or the other and lock it at the knee. Now sit there for the entire time and don’t bend that knee. See how your leg and foot feels at the end of an hour or two.
I have always been very stubborn about not giving up what I like to do and concede to physical issues. Now I am prudent about what I choose sometimes, but think that anyone who has physical issues should not give up what you love to do. Find a way. Life is too short to put off those things because you hurt or it is not convenient. But the truth is, as I get older, some things do get more difficult. Even though my energy level is basically very good, I sometimes dread going and doing certain things. And maybe it is more “anticipatory” than actual, but I don’t think so.
I am a big guy and have been shoe horned into various planes, trains and buses over the years, arriving at destinations worse for the wear!! I have often experienced incredible amounts of pain, numb extremities, and exhaustion, based on how far it is necessary to walk through some airports! Walking with a stiff leg requres use of different muscles and expends more energy than normal walking. Walking on uneven ground or on un-mowed grass is exhausting.
One of my favorite activities is driving.. not that it is comfortable most of the time, but it is not stressful and in fact can be quite relaxing. My primary care doc some years ago made the recommendation that I stop and stretch AT LEAST every 2 hours. And I do try and adhere to that recommendation, but not always. Sometimes it is easier to do than others, depending upon time constraints. But, it is advice well taken by anyone!
As I think about making choices for activities that are fun yet relatively safe and without much risk, I find that as I get older I tend to take on more rigorous things physically. I feel like if I don’t do some of the things I love to do now, when will I? The day will come when I will have to choose even more prudently than I do now.
Pain has a funny way of helping us choose our battles at times. Not that I have ever much given in to it. But at times it is totally necessary. I find the times that it is most necessary to enter into this agreement with pain is when it is accompanied by other symptoms. For instance, when I am having neuro symptoms in my legs along with increasing back pain, I know that I have to tread lightly for a bit. It usually passes by mid-morning, but not always. On those days, it is crucial that I spend some time just sitting. Standing is always awful unless I can bend somewhat at the waist. Sitting relieves some of the pressure on the nerve roots, at least for me it does. Other times, sitting is the worst thing I can do. Moderation is usually the key. Not too long standing, not too long sitting, and of course, not too long lying in bed.
Right now, I am having a fair amount of nerve pain and numbness. It is disconcerting because last summer, I was about to have surgery to decompress some of the effected nerve roots. Then had some improvement, and now have backslid a bit But I am determined not to give in to the possibility of an easy fix. Back surgery is iffy at best. Less than 50% of cases have little or no improvement, and in some cases, it is actually worse!
So travel is problematic at best. In the case of air travel, less than 3 hours is preferable. Over 3 hours, depending upon the seating, the level of discomfort can be considerable. And I usually choose a window seat for comfort, which further complicates moving about. It is difficult to stand every hour or so when you are on the inside. I truly hate to inconvenience my fellow travelers unless it is absolutely necessary.
For some reason, I am having this awful time putting this to rest. I keep coming back, maybe because it is hard for me to admit that something in my life is getting harder for me as I get older. But those of you who suffer with chronic pain know exactly what I am talking about. And for the most part, there are few things in life that I intend to give up because of any physical infirmity. But the day-to-day grind sometimes gets the best of me. Too little sleep, too much hurting, not enough time to recover after particularly stressful events. Like traveling for 10 days and feeling for the next week like a bus has rolled over you? Ever feel like that?
So I am going to publish this and see what kind of comments come. Am interested to see how many others share a touch of any of this.
